Our Big Top Life

Yesterdays blood test came back good to my surprise. You would think there would have been some relief after waiting 6 hrs for the nurse to call, but not so much. You see, I thought Carter looked bad yesterday and I was kind of expecting bad results. The lab had even given me a bracelet should I have to come back for transfusion. Now don't get me wrong, I was grateful for a good report, but I couldn't seem to "get happy." Yesterday was probably the hardest day since this all started. Going to the lab weekly is starting to take it's toll, especially when the nurses can't ever seem to find Carter's veins. And I have come to the conclusion that I cannot figure this out. When I think he looks good his numbers drop and when I think he looks bad his numbers improve. I just want to see consistent improvement instead of this teeter tottering thing. There were also some other things going on yesterday that kept me in a "funk." I defintely wasn't finding joy despite of my circumstances and I wasn't trusting God as I should.

Then came this morning. I met a friend to exercise and arrived before her. I sat in the car praying and this song came on. It was perfect. The words are kind of repetitive when typed out, but I didn't notice that at all this morning. I need to be reminded and reminded and reminded again. Repetition is good (most of the time).

Verse 1
I'm castin my cares aside. I'm leaving my past behind.
I'm setting my heart and mind on You, Jesus.
I'm reaching my hands to Yours, believing there is so much more,
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, it's good.

Chorus
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
And I won't worry about tomorrow; I'm trusting in what you say.
Today is the day

Verse 2
I'm putting my fears aside. I'm leaving my doubts behind.
I'm giving my hopes and dreams to You, Jesus.
I'm reaching my hands to Yours, believing there is so much more,
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, it's good.

Bridge
I will stand upon Your truth.
And all my days, I'll live for You.
I will stand upon Your truth.
And all my days, I'll live for You.

Final Chorus
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
And I won't worry about tomorrow. I'm giving you my fears and sorrows.
Where You lead me, I will follow; I'm trusting in what you say.
Today is the day.

Isn't that good! It's like God was speaking to me right there in the car through the radio. When I got home, 2 of my great friends had posted entries that had to be written just for me :). One was verses all on waiting http://www.daughterofdelight.blogspot.com/ and the other was about trials and how God sovereignly places them in our lives for our good and His glory. It was sooo incredible I need to read it again and again - REPETITION :). You can find it here: http://www.acupofgracegcc.blogspot.com/.

My husband just got home and I immediately asked him to play the song I had heard this morning :). I had the music printed off and waiting on the piano. As I finish typing this, he is in there practing. He is incredible and is so good to me.

We go back on Friday. I will try to update as soon as I can. Here are the numbers from yesterday: hemoglobin went up from a 6.1 to a 7.5, white blood cells up from 4.09 to 4.99, red blood cells up from a 1.8 to a 2.2. All these numbers are still below the acceptable low, but the improvement is encouraging. The interesting thing is that the retic dropped. It was 4.9 and now it is 4.7.

Lord, I fail so many times. The fact that you still love me is amazing! Thank you for the work that you are doing in my life.