Yesterdays blood test came back good to my surprise. You would think there would have been some relief after waiting 6 hrs for the nurse to call, but not so much. You see, I thought Carter looked bad yesterday and I was kind of expecting bad results. The lab had even given me a bracelet should I have to come back for transfusion. Now don't get me wrong, I was grateful for a good report, but I couldn't seem to "get happy." Yesterday was probably the hardest day since this all started. Going to the lab weekly is starting to take it's toll, especially when the nurses can't ever seem to find Carter's veins. And I have come to the conclusion that I cannot figure this out. When I think he looks good his numbers drop and when I think he looks bad his numbers improve. I just want to see consistent improvement instead of this teeter tottering thing. There were also some other things going on yesterday that kept me in a "funk." I defintely wasn't finding joy despite of my circumstances and I wasn't trusting God as I should.

Then came this morning. I met a friend to exercise and arrived before her. I sat in the car praying and this song came on. It was perfect. The words are kind of repetitive when typed out, but I didn't notice that at all this morning. I need to be reminded and reminded and reminded again. Repetition is good (most of the time).

Verse 1
I'm castin my cares aside. I'm leaving my past behind.
I'm setting my heart and mind on You, Jesus.
I'm reaching my hands to Yours, believing there is so much more,
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, it's good.

Chorus
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
And I won't worry about tomorrow; I'm trusting in what you say.
Today is the day

Verse 2
I'm putting my fears aside. I'm leaving my doubts behind.
I'm giving my hopes and dreams to You, Jesus.
I'm reaching my hands to Yours, believing there is so much more,
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, it's good.

Bridge
I will stand upon Your truth.
And all my days, I'll live for You.
I will stand upon Your truth.
And all my days, I'll live for You.

Final Chorus
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Today is the day You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
And I won't worry about tomorrow. I'm giving you my fears and sorrows.
Where You lead me, I will follow; I'm trusting in what you say.
Today is the day.

Isn't that good! It's like God was speaking to me right there in the car through the radio. When I got home, 2 of my great friends had posted entries that had to be written just for me :). One was verses all on waiting http://www.daughterofdelight.blogspot.com/ and the other was about trials and how God sovereignly places them in our lives for our good and His glory. It was sooo incredible I need to read it again and again - REPETITION :). You can find it here: http://www.acupofgracegcc.blogspot.com/.

My husband just got home and I immediately asked him to play the song I had heard this morning :). I had the music printed off and waiting on the piano. As I finish typing this, he is in there practing. He is incredible and is so good to me.

We go back on Friday. I will try to update as soon as I can. Here are the numbers from yesterday: hemoglobin went up from a 6.1 to a 7.5, white blood cells up from 4.09 to 4.99, red blood cells up from a 1.8 to a 2.2. All these numbers are still below the acceptable low, but the improvement is encouraging. The interesting thing is that the retic dropped. It was 4.9 and now it is 4.7.

Lord, I fail so many times. The fact that you still love me is amazing! Thank you for the work that you are doing in my life.

As I type this, Carter is in his bed crying. I think it is partly because I put him to bed, but mostly because when I prayed I asked God to take the pain away and to comfort him tomorrow at his 4th blood draw. As soon as I said amen the tears and the "I don't want to go to the train doctor" started. Up until now, every lab experience has been awful! Last Wed he ended up being "stuck" twice within 30 min. It is starting to become very difficult for me.

There was a good and a bad to last weeks visit. I haven't posted "counts" since the beginning, but from here forward I think I will only to help me keep track. When Carter initially went into the hospital, 11/15, his hemoglobin was at a 5 and his retic was at a 0 (which means he wasn't producing red blood cells).

Retic is an abbreviation for recticulocyte. A reticulocyte count is a blood test that measures how fast red blood cells called reticulocytes are made by the bone marrow and released into the blood. Reticulocytes are in the blood for about 2 days before developing into mature red blood cells.

After transfusion, 11/16, his hemoglobin was a 8.3 (suppose to be between 12 and 16).

11/20, his hemoglobin dropped to a 7.5. His red blood cell count was a 2.3 (suppose to be between 3.9 and 5.3). His retic was 1.1.

11/26, almost everything stayed the same with exception to his retic, which rose to 2.1.

12/03, hemoglobin dropped to 6.1, red blood cell count dropped to 1.8, retic 4.9.

Although, numbers are dropping, because the retic is going up the doctor has decided not to transfuse again at this time. A high reticulocyte count means more red blood cells are being made by the bone marrow which is a good thing. I believe this is a sign we are on the road to recovery, although, it may be slow. The doctor believes Carter is following the "classic course" for TEC. He said anything else wouldn't clinically make sense. This is good news since TEC is something that will pass. I don't think they will do a bone marrow biopsy unless the retic stops improving.

I will try to update tomorrow. In the meantime, please continue to pray for my little man and please pray for me. Thanks so much!

Well, today is our 3rd appt since Carter's release from Wolfson's. One of the first things out of his mouth this morning was, "I don't want to go to the train doctor" - there is a big train display in the lobby of Nemours that he loves to look at. I'm hoping they can just prick his finger today instead of withdrawing blood via a needle. From the way he looks, I think his blood counts will be up. I hope I'm right and not just getting used to his paleness. I just read that Nemours will be closed this morning due to a loss of power caused by a main electrical transformer. All appts scheduled for this morning will have to be rescheduled. I am so thankful Carter's appt is for this afternoon. I have already been waiting a week. I found this quote a long time ago and threw it in a drawer. I happened to run across it the other day. I am not even sure who it is from but it was so timely for me. Hope it blesses you too!

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."

An update to come..............